


Little Pieces

by Wings_and_Feet



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Adoption, Behind the Scenes, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I lived bitch, IT'S WHAT THEY DESERVED, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Multi, Not Epilogue Compliant, Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, POV Alternating, POV Multiple, Protective Ash Lynx, Protective Okumura Eiji, Sharing a Bed, Shorter is a wonderful dumbass, Unplanned Pregnancy, What-If, canon compliant (sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:15:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wings_and_Feet/pseuds/Wings_and_Feet
Summary: Not everything that happens makes it to the retelling. And some secrets are best kept for everyone's safety.Which is why after everything that happened, Ash and Eiji never mentioned running into Shorter's old girlfriend in LA. Not when Shorter died. Certainly not when she shows up back in New York carrying a little piece of their lost friend.What started as a need to save the child of the friend he couldn't save becomes a story of endings and new beginnings and maybe, finally, the family that Ash deserves.
Relationships: Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji & Original Character, Ash Lynx & Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx & Shorter Wong, Ash Lynx/Okumura Eiji, Okumura Eiji & Shorter Wong, Shorter Wong/Original Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 45





	Little Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> If you haven't read the manga or seen the show this will not make sense. It shows a look behind the scenes assuming that you know what the scenes are. These are little glimpses of our boys getting to be a little less bad-ass and a little more human.
> 
> All trigger warnings that would apply to the original story apply here as well, if a little bit less graphically.

Little Pieces

Shorter raised an eyebrow. “Ash, you gotta breathe dude.”

Ash glared across the table at his friend. “We’re wasting time. We’re here. We should be looking for evidence.”

Shorter glanced over his shoulder to be certain Eiji wasn’t returning to the table before saying “It’s eight days. Eight days before the visas can be arranged with the consulate. Eight days, Ash. Then Ibe and Eiji are on their way back to safety.” He glanced back again. “Be a tourist for a week, man. Lay low. Enjoy living in a fuckin' mansion for a week. Go see Hollywood. Keep the kid under the radar.”

Ash blew his hair out of his eyes with an exasperated breath. “You’re the same age, dumbass.”

“That’s what you’re taking from my brilliant advice?”

Ash opened his mouth to retort before his attention snagged on something over Shorter’s left shoulder. He started to turn but the half smile that tugged at his friend’s lips told him what he would see. No matter how often he saw it, Shorter was always struck by how beautiful Ash was when he smiled. It felt good to see his friend happy. A few seconds later, Eiji settled into his seat. “What’s up? Did you figure out what the next step needs to be?”

Ash met Shorter’s eye briefly before looking at Eiji. Shorter nodded encouragingly. His hand hesitated ever so slightly before resting on Eiji’s forearm. “Actually I was thinking.” Ash forced himself not to clear his throat, but pulled his hand back. “You didn’t get the chance to really be a tourist in New York. I’ve never been to California. Let’s do a little bit of sightseeing. I’ve...um...always wanted to see the La Brea Tar Pits.”

Shorter winked at him. Ash kicked him under the table.

“Really?” Eiji looked like he couldn’t decide between excitement and skepticism. “I’ve seen so many Los Angeles places in the movies! It would be amazing to see them in person. But…” Here Eiji looked over his shoulder, craning his neck in both directions in a near slapstick version of Shorter’s earlier subtle glance. “What about...Banana Fish? Aren’t we supposed to be looking for information?” he stage whispered.

“No. You are supposed to be sightseeing in America before Ibe takes you back to Japan where it’s safe. This isn’t the place for you, Eiji. It isn’t the life for you. I… I don’t want you to live always knowing where the closest weapon is.”

“What do you mean the closest weapon?” Eiji looked at Ash with a frown.

Ash sighed. “My gun is in my belt. Shorter has at least two knives--left boot and the small of his back.” He glanced over. “You packing?”

“I mean, yeah man. People are trying to kill us more than usual. Inner pocket of my vest.”

Eiji’s mouth hung open.

Ash laughed. “You look like a fish.”

“Hey!” Eiji shoved Ash’s shoulder. Shorter blinked at him. He still wasn’t used to there being anyone that could touch his friend with impunity. Even Shorter was careful to telegraph his moves. Ash just didn’t tolerate touch. Except apparently, from Eiji.

“What are you looking at, Pineapple Head?” Ash threw a fry that bounced directly between Shorter’s eyes. 

Shorter grinned before picking it up from his lap and popping it in his mouth. “So--where are we going to tourist?” he said around a mouth full of semi-stolen fry. “I say we cruise that street where all the hot chicks go shopp--”

“Shorter Fucking Wong, it IS you!” A voice exclaimed behind him. Shorter promptly inhaled half a french fry and began coughing. Eiji jumped up to pat him helpfully on the back, but Ash just laughed looking toward a familiar sounding voice.

“Flips?” Shorter gasped, turning in his seat, eyes streaming and face red. He blinked at the tiny girl standing with her hip cocked, thumbs tucked into the belt loops of ragged black jeans. “What the hell are you doing here?”   
  
“I’m a student at UCLA shit-for-brains. Remember? I left less than a year ago." She smirked. "You cried.” She flipped fire engine red hair over her shoulder, the sun catching on the black roots and making them gleam almost purple. “And I see you brought the Lynx with you. How ya doing Kitten?” She ruffled Ash’s hair.

He shoved her hand away, turning to keep her in his sight line and glaring. “Still got your claws, huh Kitty Cat?” She laughed as Shorter sputtered. “What the fuck are you two doing in LA? Do NOT tell me causing trouble. I came to a different coast to avoid your trouble.”

“Me and Ash raise hell wherever we go. You know that Flips.” Shorter winked.

The redhead rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever babe. And it’s actually Sun-he here. Turns out people in college will actually call you by your name and not some dumbass nickname.” Her eyes flicked to Eiji. “Who’s your friend?”

Eiji stood automatically and bowed. “Eiji Okumura. Pleased to meet you, Sun-he chan.”

Sun-he blinked before shifting smoothly into clear, slightly accented Japanese.  _ “You’re from Japan?” _

_ “Yes, how did you know?” _

_ “Your accent. And the bow. American’s don’t bow. These two psychos definitely do not bow. How’d you end up with them?” _

_ “I, um, I delivered a, um message for Ash. But it went rather badly, and well, since it was my fault things went sort of sideways, it was my responsibility to help. I--” _

“It’s  **rude** to speak so not everyone can understand.”

“Shut up Shorter.” Sun-he barked at him, but the smile on her face soothed the harshness of the words.

“You speak Japanese?” Ash asked. “I knew about the Korean and Chinese. When did you learn Japanese?”

“High school.” She winked at Shorter. “SOME of us actually went.”

“Yeah well, your mother is scarier than just about anybody. I’d rather face any number of gang thugs. Seriously, gun in my face, man. Any day.”

“Not scary enough to keep you away.” She smiled fondly.

“Have you  **seen** your ass?”

She plopped down into Shorter’s lap and flicked him between the eyes. “As a matter of fact, I have Shorts.” Shorter tugged her hair in retaliation.

She blew a raspberry at him.

Shorter gave a fake-offended squawk, snaking a hand around to pinch the ass in question. Ash just rolled his eyes. 

Still, he looked oddly... melancholy? Eiji thought. He wasn’t comfortable with the thought, really. And he wasn't quite sure why.

“Excuse me.” Eiji interrupted their banter. “But why do they call you Flips?”

Ash laughed, and Eiji’s cheeks warmed. But Sun-he answered. “My mother decided the day she fell pregnant that I would be a _successful college graduate_." Her voice rose with a pronounced accent on the last three words. "So she stuffed me into gymnastics classes starting at three in the hopes that even if I was an idiot it would look good on a college resume. I got pretty good out of self defense.”

Shorter snorted. “She’s fucking impressive. Flips around like some sort of Circ de Soleil shit.”

“Yeah well, my mother’s dream came true. I stand before you mere weeks away from completing my first year at UCLA as an international business major. J'apprends aussi à parler français.”

“Oo la la. I know some french too! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi?” Shorter waggled his eyebrows.

Sun-he opened her mouth to retort. “Oi. Stop talking to my table!” their waitress called. “And the Mendoza’s want a refill on coffee.”

Sun-he stood but didn’t walk away. “Trade tables with me. The Mendoza’s are almost done. Besides, I know these assholes. Broke and stupid. They order cheap, and you won’t see better than a 10% tip.”

The other waitress rolled her eyes. “Boss catches you flirting on company time, he’ll dock your pay.”

“Nah, don’t worry about that Ki. I’m just keeping the customers happy.” She smacked Shorter’s hand, which had been creeping up her leg, without looking down.

“Whatever.” And with that the other waitress turned toward the table presumably occupied by the Mendozas and grabbed a coffee pot.

Sun-he glanced at their table. Food sat half-eaten. Drinks were half full. She caught Shorter’s eye. “If everything is in order, sir, I’m about to take my break. I’ll be just out back if you need anything. Otherwise I’ll be back to check on you all in ten minutes.” She winked. Shorter flushed. He watched as she walked away.

Ash calmly reached across the table and picked up Shorter’s sandwich. “Hey! Dude, what gives?” 

“It will get cold while you’re gone.”

“Gone! Gone where?”   


“You are _not_ that stupid.” He took a bite. “Go on then. Catch up. I’m feeling dessert, so no rush.”

Shorter turned a bit pink but never-the-less stood from the table and followed Sun-he.

“What was all that about?” Eiji asked.

“That was Shorter’s old girlfriend. They met and sort of attached at the hip a couple of years ago. Her mother hates him.”

“Why?” 

Ash gave Eiji a flat look. “Because he is a high school drop out gang leader surrounded by knives and blood and violence. And she is an honor student that snagged a scholarship to UCLA. Being Shorter’s girl almost got her killed. More than once. I finally had to teach her to fight before she got _him_ killed hunting down everyone who looked at her funny.”

“You taught her to fight?”

“Yeah. It was fair. Shorter taught me something important once. Besides, I owed him an angel.”

“You... “

“Never mind. Point is, when she left, Shorter moped around for weeks. Don’t go creating stories of true love or anything like that. Shorter is a boss. And a boss is a boss first and everything else second. But, yeah. He liked her.”

“She seems intense.”

“She is intense. But she’s a good person. Better than belongs on the streets with us. She’s, well she’s actually nothing like you. But she sees him. The way you see people. To her he’s more than stupid hair and knives. And that’s important.” 

Eiji gazed at Ash, suddenly beginning to understand the edges of something. “Yeah. Yeah, it is. Do you think he’s lonely?”

“Shorter? Nah. He’s got people. Nadia alone counts for three.” Ash’s smile looked a little wistful. “I guess what I mean is, Shorter’s a boss, and a good one. He’s smarter than his hair lets on. And he’s loyal. He’s one of very few people I know I can trust. He’d do just about anything to protect the people he cares about. He’d die for Nadia in a heartbeat. He’d kill for Sun-he or his guys. He’d kill for me. Hell, he HAS killed for me.” 

Eiji looked at Ash. Did his smile seem sad? Distant maybe? Something, definitely. ‘Are you lonely?’ he wanted to ask. But somehow he couldn’t. Ash had been terrifying when they met, but he could never truly feel afraid. And over the past few months, he had seen the facade crack. Sometimes Ash seemed carved of marble--cold and beautiful and perfect, and untouchable. And then he would laugh and suddenly he was a kid, younger than him, even. Did anyone else see it? Was he the one that ‘saw’ Ash? And if he was, was that important too?

Shorter came in fifteen minutes later with a smile on his face and a bruise on his neck. 

“Have fun?” Ash smirked.

“Damn I missed her. Girl’s got a tongue that--”

Ash smacked him up side the head. “Dude. Mixed company or whatever.”

“Awww. Are you trying to protect little Eiji’s virgin ears?” Shorter wasn’t surprised when Eiji blushed but was a bit thrown off when Ash turned pink as well. That was...interesting. He filed it away for later teasing and stole some of his now cold fries back.

When Sun-he dropped off their check, she sported a few darkening marks as well. “I’m off at 3. If you want, I could show you guys the UCLA campus or something?” She didn't look at Shorter, but her fingers grazed his neck.

Eiji smiled excitedly. “That would be--”

“--Eiji and I are going to see the La Brea tar pits.” Ash placed a quelling hand on Eiji’s knee. “He’s fascinated by Anthropology. But Shorter is afraid the fumes will wilt his stupid hair. He’s free.” 

Eiji froze, realizing two things at once. First, he’d almost inadvertently cut in on Shorter’s fairly obvious hook-up with his ex. And second, Ash’s hand was still gently gripping his knee. He fought to keep his face relaxed as Ash's thumb gently rubbed his leg. He looked to Ash. He didn’t seem to notice. But that thumb burned hotter than any human hand had any right to.

***

Later that night, Eiji excitedly pulled Ash through Little Tokyo in search of the perfect Japanese tea house. “This is wonderful! I can show you a little bit of Japan here! Our tea is delicious, and so good for you. And the ceremony is beautiful.” He smiled over his shoulder.

Ash’s face was relaxed, his eyes bright. Eiji knew there was a gun hidden on his body, but he looked so carefree and almost happy being dragged by the wrist through throngs of people, many speaking in rapid Japanese, that it was easy to forget the weapon. It was easy to forget a lot of things. It was easy to pretend for a moment that they were in Japan, safe and with no worries other than finding a tea house. Fear and violence and horrible, mind-destroying drugs fell away as Eiji reveled in this moment. 

Ash watched Eiji amazed. He was so bright here. So confident. The scenery whirled around him full of dizzying colors and words and symbols he didn’t know. He should feel cut adrift. He should be uncomfortable in a place where he didn’t know the rules, couldn’t understand the words. Couldn’t tell if something was out of place. But he wasn’t, because he trusted Eiji--to watch his back or defend his position. It made no sense. Eiji was useless in any kind of fight, yet he trusted Eiji to make sure he was safe. It was an odd feeling. But not an unwelcome one.

***

The days blurred together, one becoming two becoming five. Ash couldn’t walk away from his research entirely. Shorter too nosed around a bit with contacts. Sun-he had mentioned another kid from New York’s Chinatown had settled in LA, so he’d reached out. But for five glorious days it had been amazing. No gang to watch out for. No nosy sister to appease. No one shooting at him or his friends. And an amazing, sassy, sexy as hell woman back on his arm. Plus it was endlessly entertaining to watch the dance Ash and Eiji didn’t seem to realize they had begun. Two steps closer before scuttling two, ever-so-slightly-smaller steps back. He didn’t know what it meant. He decided he didn’t need to. Shorter let himself bask in it. 

So of course it was destined to fall to shit.

At first it wasn’t too bad. Fuck that. At first it was total shit. But manageable. He’d figure it out. At first… well.

He lay squashed into the twin bed in Sun-he’s tiny dorm room. She didn’t have a roommate during summer classes, thankfully, so no need for concern about being interrupted. He supposed Ash  _ could _ call. He’d want to know how his meeting went. Fuck. What the hell was he even going to say?

Sun-he lifted her head from his shoulder but continued to run her fingers up and down his bare chest, occasionally tracing scars before returning to what was usually a soothing rhythm. “What’s got you thinking so damned loud? No one should be thinking that loud that soon after--well, don’t tell me I’m losing my touch.”

Shorter’s smirk felt only a little forced as he drawled, “Well then I guess I shouldn’t tell you th--OUCH! What the hell Flips?”

“I  _ told _ you  _ not _ to tell me I’m losing my touch. I know you’re distractible, Shorts, but it was like literally seconds ago.” She grinned at him before gently kissing the nipple she’d twisted sharply. 

He wanted to get lost in her. He’d tried. She hadn’t seemed to notice his distraction. But… “Seriously Shorts, what’s up? You’re not yourself this afternoon.” She attempted to sit up, discovered that there wasn’t really room in this position, and settled for propping her head up resting on her elbow. “Something happen with Fai?”

“Something. Ha. You could fuckin' say that.” He found he couldn’t look at her. 

“Speak, Shorts.”

“I can’t. You’re out of the life. You’re safe. You chose college and California and safety and people calling you by your goddammed real name. I can’t, I won’t ask you… Look I watch Ash trying so, so fucking hard to keep Eiji safe in this world, and...he… how can he? Stupid kid doesn’t even know how to shoot a gun. Do you know what he did in school? Pole vaulting! All he had to be afraid of was a sprained-fucking-ankle. And now? Now… I … Look, I didn’t want you to go. You know that. But I do want you to be here. Be Sun-he instead of Flips. Speak fifty languages and travel the world and never worry about who has a gun or who might be targeting you next or who has the power to demand that you betray your best friend or let the fucking Lee family kill your sister because unlike me, you’re not a throw-away person destined to die young.” He shuddered as she stilled against him. “Shit.”

“Oh.” She didn’t know what else to say. 

“Oh.” Shorter echoed.

“Look, Shorter. I like Ash. I liked him in New York, and I like him even more now. And Eiji is sweet. And the way he pushes Ash around is something I never expected to see, and I am richer for it. But one thing I know about Ash. He’s resilient. And he understands. He knows you wouldn’t betray him--which means he’ll understand that this isn’t really a betrayal.”

“It is though. Fl--Sun-he. They want him dead or sent back to, well, back to something awful. And if I don’t help them…” He gulped. “There are worse things the Lee’s can do to Nadia than just kill her.”

“Look, I know it hurts, Shorts. I know this situation must suck all kinds of ass. But you know what else I know?” She paused, and Shorter shrugged half-miserably. “I know that the Lynx can take care of himself. Ok? And he’s smart. Right? So, he’ll know you had a good reason. Babe look, do what you gotta do to save your sister. And prove your loyalty to Ash by keeping his precious little Japanese boy safe while he’s surviving whatever the fucking Lees have in store for him.”

“Yeah. Yeah, ok. Really, as long as Eiji is safe, Ash will be ok.”

“He really does love that kid, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. He really does. But smart as he may be, he hasn’t figured it out yet.”

“I wonder if he ever will…”

“Eh, if he takes too long, Eiji will tell him.” He sighed. “I thought at first Ash would shove him away. But the kid just wouldn’t leave. After Skip… well if he hates me, at least he won’t be alone.”

“Skipper? What happened to the munchkin?” Sun-he sounded concerned. 

Shorter felt his hand tremble slightly in her hair, his lip wobbled in a way that definitely wasn’t as confident and punk-rock as he wanted. But he somehow just couldn’t summon his business-as-usual self. “Oh, Flips--they shot him. Arthur and some fat-ass mafioso fucking shot a twelve year old kid.” A single tear escaped. “Promise me something, Flips. Promise me you’ll stay here, stay safe. Stay away from all of this. I didn’t get it before, but now I do. So promise.”

“How about instead,” she shifted to straddle his lap, “When I’m rich and successful, I come back to New York, challenge whatever bitch thinks she’s your girl, and drag you off with me to travel the world as my sexy-ass boy toy?”

“Heh. That sounds like a fantastic plan babe.” He pulled her down into a kiss. 

***

So he wasn’t lying when he told Ash he was tired. 

And when he realized what Yut Lung wanted, WHO Yut Lung wanted… 

“Something is up.” Ash had said. “Protect them.” Ash had said. Fucking hell. 

But he’d do it. He’d save Nadia. He’d protect Eiji. He’d hope Ash understood. Because what else could he fucking do? And if they all behaved like he couldn’t hear just because Eiji couldn’t? Well. He knew now that Ash could survive anything, didn’t he?

He’d almost let himself believe that it would be ok. He wasn’t stupid. Golzine was going to hurt Eiji, hurt him badly. But, well, lots of guys survived it. Hell, Ash had acted like it was nothing back in juvie. Shorter wasn’t sure, didn’t have any first hand experience, thank god, but it didn’t seem like a sore ass could be worse than a bullet. Eiji wasn’t pretty like Ash, but maybe he was cute? He wasn’t really a good judge of dudes. He seemed young, and Golzine liked that shit. So, it could be worse.

He forced himself to believe that right up until they stuck that needle in his arm.

***

The world was too loud and **too bright** and **TOO MUCH**. It hurt. His body felt flayed. His mind wouldn’t stop screaming. He wanted to claw off his skin. His ears rang and the sound of something slithery echoes in his head, throbbing, pulsing, _tooloudtoobright_. Stop. Oh god stop _stopstop **stopstop**_. Eiji’s face floated in his mind. He was doing this, punishing him, hurting him. Eiji had to die. Then it would stop. Then the lights would go out. He would be free. Then...no. No. Eiji was harmless. Harmless. **Harmless**. Kill him. _Kill him_ and it **stops**. NO. nonononono. Oh god it hurts. More light pierced his eyes. Voices drifted, echoing, distorted. Ash? God I’m so sorry. I have to. I have to. Please make it stop.

“SHORTER!!!” 

Ash’s scream cut through the cacophony, just for a second. Shorter? What? Loyal. Shorter was loyal. He remembered that. But who? Why yell that? An angel looked down on him. And he remembered. An angel. And green eyes. She would watch over him. Nadia had said so. And a laughing boy. And...he furrowed his brow. Ash. His friend Ash. Ash would help him. “Set me free,” he gasped. “I’m in so much pain.”

When he felt the bullet strike him he tried to whisper, he tried to tell them. But there wasn’t time. “Thank you.” He thought. Then nothing.

***

Arthur would pay. That monster had taken Shorter. Taken Eiji. He’d almost taken fucking everything. And he'd laughed. Mercy. He’d shown mercy. That was over now. He’d always been a killer, but Arthur had made him a murderer. There was already so much blood on his hands. He could feel it crusting under his nails no matter how often he washed them. Did Eiji look at him in fear now? He said not. But how could that be true? 

Not that it mattered. Not that any of it mattered. Arthur would die. Eiji would realize he was a monster and leave. And there would be no one left to care if Ash became the monster on the outside that he knew he already was on the inside. He didn’t flinch when he pulled the trigger. Didn’t even bother to watch as Arthur’s men’s bodies hit the ground. 

Blanca had been right. This was easier.

He walked away. 

***

Ash didn’t realize quite how badly he hadn’t wanted Eiji to see the blood on his shirt until it was too late. He watched his face contort in anger. He deserved it. He knew he did. But he didn’t want to hear it. Shorter was dead. Fucking Arthur and Golzine, and Lee--they had to pay. They had to...they would kill without a blink, without a regret, why shouldn’t he? He had lost everything, still had everything to lose. 

He watched the hurt flare in Eiji’s eyes. The betrayal. Good. This was good. It was right. He should leave before he gives in and begs. Begs him to forgive him. 

“This isn’t like you,” Eiji insisted.

“This is exactly like me. They killed my men, my friends. They’ll kill me if they can. They’ll kill you. What the hell am I supposed to do? This is what I’m good at. This is what I am. I’m a killer. I killed a man for the first time at 8 years old. I’m a murderer and a whore and this is my world. You don’t understand. I don't _want_ you to understand. You don’t belong here Eiji.”

“But you could be...you’re gifted Ash. You’re--”

“I never asked for that! I don’t want it. I  _ never _ wanted it. You don’t know anything. I will kill and kill and keep on killing. It’s what I do. It doesn’t matter what I  _ want _ . This is who I fucking  _ am _ . Why can’t you understand? Why can’t you just fucking understand?” He ran. It was cowardly. He told himself that he had work to do. But he knew the truth. He ran because he had never in his life been more afraid of anything than he was of looking back and seeing fear and hatred in Eiji’s eyes.

He had called to let Ibe know about the tickets he had bought. “Don’t worry,” he’d said. “By the time the flight leaves, he’ll be happy to go with you. By then, he’ll hate me.” He hoped it was true. He desperately hoped it wasn’t. Now… now he was sure.

***

He had almost wondered if the apartment would be empty when he got home.

Instead it was filled with pumpkins and streamers and people. People laughing and happy. And in the middle of them all, glowing like a lantern, Eiji was smiling. Relief hit Ash so hard it left him shaking. Eiji laughed again, oblivious to the reason he trembled, pleased with his joke, with scaring him with pumpkins… 

Letting him go was going to be damned near impossible. Thank god he’d already bought the tickets.

***

Eiji apologized to him. For shouting. For hurting him. EIJI apologized to HIM for being hurtful. And somehow it broke the damn. Somehow it made the space for him to admit everything. He heard himself asking, begging him to stay by his side. And he had nearly collapsed, overwhelmed when Eiji had agreed.

Eiji looked down at Ash lying across his lap. Gently, carefully, he smoothed his hair away from his face. This hurt ran through Ash so deeply, Eiji felt helpless in the face of it. But Ash, this beautiful, wonderful, stubborn, infuriating man wanted him by his side. And he would stay there no matter what. Forever. In that moment, Eiji decided. He wouldn’t look back. Ash was good. Maybe not by some standards, but his soul was good. And he had so fucking few things in his life that were good. Eiji would be one of them. No matter what it took.

So as Ash’s breathing slowed and his body relaxed, Eiji gathered him into his arms and held him. He wondered if anyone had done this for him since his brother left him. He wondered if he would have allowed it. He decided it didn’t matter. His breath feathered across his chest and Eiji allowed it to lull him to sleep.

***

Ash had nightmares. At first Eiji stayed quiet, unsure how to help, unwilling to embarrass his friend. But then he heard him call his own name in anguish. He couldn’t pretend to sleep across the room then. So he got up. Gently he ran a hand over Ash’s shoulder, through his hair.

“Ash, wake up. I’m right here. Whatever it is, it’s just a dream. I’m here.” 

Ash blinked up at him with wild eyes before wrapping his arms around his waist and pulling him into bed. Half asleep and wide-eyed with the terror of the dream still clinging to him, he clung to Eiji like a child with a teddy bear. Eiji forced his own body to relax. 

He flushed as he realized that Ash slept only in his underwear, embarrassed and hyper aware of the warmth of Ash’s chest against his own. But Ash was trembling in his arms, so he pushed it away as he calmly and gently rubbed his hand up and down Ash’s back, offering what comfort he could through touch. He suppressed his own shiver as Ash shifted in his sleep, his breath now ghosting across his neck and stirring the tiny hairs at his nape. He mumbled something, half a smile tugging briefly at his lips as Eiji watched. 

He lay awake a long time after Ash stilled.

***

It became their habit. When Ash began to whimper or thrash in his sleep, Eiji slipped into his bed to hold him. It always worked. Eiji was getting addicted. He may not understand Ash’s world, may not be able to help him wield a gun or scheme against evil monoliths or destroy the horrific drug that stole their friend...but he could do this. He could run his hands through Ash’s hair. He could rub his back or his shoulders or once, half asleep himself, his hip. And every time this beautiful broken man snuggled up in his arms and sighed in contentment. 

And if his dreams sometimes took that comforting hold further? Well, no one needed to really know about that, now did they? Be his good thing, Eiji reminded himself. 

Ash never mentioned it in the morning. 

***

“There’s some chick looking for you, boss.” Alex told him at the end of their next meeting. “Said Nadia told her to look for you.”

Ash looked over to Sing and his boys. “You know her?”

“Nah. Some redhead came looking for Shorter a few days ago. Slapped Lao when he told her he was dead. Any chance she’s got a grudge?” Sing carefully ignored the way his men stiffened at the mention of Shorter’s name. That was a problem that really needed to be dealt with. But not today. “Said she really needed to talk to him or some shit.” 

“Don't we all?” was muttered quietly enough to be ignorable. So Ash ignored it. It wasn’t his place to tell Sing how to manage his men anyway.

Eiji caught his eye. His subtle looks were still terrible. But it was enough. “Lao, any chance it may have been Flips?” Ash asked.

“I don’t talk to traitors.” 

“Lao--” Sing began.

“--Flips? That chick Shorter was into a while ago? The one with green hair who ditched him for some fancy school in Cali?” Alex asked. He paused. “I guess it coulda been her with a different dye job.”

“Damn. I thought she died, way Shorter looked back then,” rumbled Bones.

“Why’d she be looking for Shorter now?” The guy sounded offended.

“I don’t know,” Ash admitted. “But there’s an easy way to find out. Bones, pick her up. Bring her to the old place. Alex will meet you there. If it is Flips, bring her here. If not… impress upon her that I am not available.”

“Yes Boss!”

“Yes Boss!”

***

“I am not fucking interested, asshole! Get your hands off of me!”

Eiji looked up at Ash. “Sounds like Flips.” Ash’s face was closed off, eyes downcast and teeth clenched. He seemed calm to a casual observer. Eiji had learned to read him well enough to know he wasn’t.

The door slammed open. “All right Lynx, enough is e-fucking-nough. I’m done with the rumors and stories. Where the hell is Shorter? Cause I know you sure as shit didn’t just shoot him.” Sun-he was trembling in what seemed like fury. Almost. But her eyes were pinched, her complexion greenish, and her fingers knotted together 

Ash blinked at her. “You’re wrong.” He looked down at his hands.

Damn it. He was letting it go. He was getting better, more at ease. But Eiji could see the spiral beginning again, the guilt eating at him, the horror at himself as he stared at his hands.

“What?” Sun-he sounded like she was deflating. “That isn’t fucking funny, you prick. I know you have him tied up in some dumbass plot, but I really, really need to talk to him.” Ash wouldn’t meet her eye. “I won’t tell. I can scream and cry and call you a bastard. I don’t need to fuck up your con. But I need to see him.” She paused again, face growing desperate. “Please.” Her voice was barely above a whisper.

Eiji stood up. He gripped Ash’s shoulder briefly before crossing the room. “Can you wait outside, Alex?” He waited for the nod before taking both of Sun-he’s hands in his.

“Will you sit?”

“N-no! Just tell me what is going on!” Eiji watched the tears gather along her lashes.

“Sun-he chan,” he began. He glanced at Ash, but he remained stubbornly silent.

“No. Shut up. No. Ash is too fucking smart to fall for that betrayal shit. And you’re here, so...so Shorter kept you safe. Ash wouldn’t shoot him. He wouldn’t. He didn’t” Her voice kept rising.

“Sun-he, please listen to me. Shorter is dead. It’s true. He was given a drug that destroyed his mind. He… he asked for death, begged for it to stop. Ash did shoot him. But he had no choice. There is no cure. So Ash set him free. Because he cared about him. He wasn’t angry. I, he, wasn’t punishing him. He… he made sure the people that hurt Shorter couldn’t defile his body. A-and he’ll stop them. I’m so sorry.”

Ash shook himself and stood. “I murdered my best friend. I killed your lover.” He calmly handed his gun to Eiji. “Take your best shot. I deserve it. And so do you.”

“Ash, I don’t think that’s the best way to--”

Sun-he dropped her bag and punched him in the face. Ash swayed but held his position. She punched again, once to his chest, once to his stomach. Her clean punches devolved in her simply pounding on Ash’s chest as she shattered, a single sob giving way to near hysteria. Ash stood still and took it until Eiji wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her away.

“So, he’s gone? Really, truly gone?”

“Yes,” Ash rasped. “I’m so sorry.”

“What did you need to tell him?” Eiji asked quietly.

Sun-he blinked at him. “I guess it doesn’t really matter now. I… it… he would… I don’t think we would have wanted… fuck.” She took a shuddering breath. 

“He did want you.” Ash said it calmly. “I think he actually loved you.”

“I have to go back to school. Fall break is only a week. And… I can’t. I just… I can’t.” 

“Sun-he?”  Eiji reached out to hug her, but she shrugged him off. “Please. Don’t touch me right now. I just...I need to...go. Yeah. I need to get the fuck out of here.” Without another word she turned on her heel and bolted. Eiji followed.

“Eiji! Don’t go out alone!” Ash called out, gesturing for Alex to follow from the living room where he waited pretending not to have heard the woman’s outburst. 

He turned back and saw Sun-he’s bag. For a second he thought about privacy. For a longer second he thought about how easy it would be to send a bomb or bug in the bag of someone he could supposedly trust. Sun-he had a mother. And it’s entirely possible that she hates him now. So he went through her bag. 

Water bottle, granola bar, wallet with $26, ID, credit card, transit pass, and keycard for UCLA student housing, make-up compact, and--

A pregnancy test. Positive.

Ash felt his blood run cold. And then warm. She had needed to talk to Shorter. He did some math in his head. Just under three months since they’d left LA. If he kew Shorter, they’d not wasted a single night of their time together. Which meant... Would Shorter have wanted it? Is that what she had been trying to say? He honestly didn’t know. But some tiny piece of Shorter might just be alive and running away in full view of Golzine’s assassins… Shit.

Ash dropped her bag and bolted for the door just to meet Eiji leading her back inside. They were talking, but Ash couldn’t listen.

“You’re pregnant?”

And just like that the front room emptied.

Eiji squeaked. “What? Why would you--”

“Yes,” Sun-he whispered. “I… I don’t even know what I meant to do. I just. Shorter had a right to know, or whatever, right?” She sank down onto the sofa. “I have a scholarship. I have plans. I was finally going to be free of this place, this life. I can’t have a baby. But… I wasn’t sure I could get rid of it before. I was running out of time. I thought maybe Shorter would talk me into it. Or out of it. You know?… and now? Fuck.” 

“Do you want it?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to lose my scholarship. I don’t want to give up UCLA. Does that make me a monster?”   
  
“Nobody in this room is a monster, OK?” Eiji groussed.

Ash and Sun-he looked at him incredulously. 

“No. I don’t think you’re a monster. I know what it’s like to want to be free.”

***

Eiji was never sure exactly how it happened. He’d left the room to make tea and when he came back, Sun-he was nodding. “And you’ll be sure that it has a safe family, a good life? You promise me that?”

“I have money, a friend with one young son who would be open to another maybe. I couldn’t save Shorter. Let me save his child.”

“Ok.” Sun-he sniffed. “Ok. How...how will we do this?”

“You’ll reach out to your professors about your brother’s injury at the hands of the violent and terrible gangs of New York and explain that you will have to go to care for him. Ask to finish this semester remotely and then to freeze your scholarships to take a semester off in order to help your family. Play it up. The more desperate you sound, the more likely they are to believe you. Oh, and make him young. People love to pretend they care about little kids.”

Eiji wondered if Sun-he had caught that. Wondered if she knew how much it meant.

“I’ll put some money into an account for you. If they won’t freeze your scholarship, I’ll make sure it’s enough to pay for school. You sure you don’t want to keep the kid?”

“I--I’m sure. I can’t. I’ll still be a student. I won’t have a job. I--I.” Her eyes fell. Eiji handed her her tea. “I want to make sure it’s ok. I don’t think I can--”

“Stop.” Ash’s voice was harsh, but not angry. Sun-he still flinched. “Too many kids have shitty parents who don’t want them. Shorter’s kid deserves better.”

Sun-he nodded.

“Now, the best way to keep you safe is to make sure nobody really knows what’s going on. You can stay here with us for the time being, while I make arrangements. You speak Japanese, so you are officially Eiji’s sister come to make sure the big bad lynx hasn’t gotten him killed yet.” He looked her up and down frowning. “You’ll have to change your look. That hair is stupidly noticeable. Cut it short. Dye it something boring and average.”

“What?” For the first time since he’d come back into the room, Eiji saw life flicker back into her eyes. “Like hell I will.”

“You will. Because you don’t want to get caught up in the mess that got Shorter killed. Hell, if you squint, it’s the mess that led to you getting knocked up in the first place.” Her eyes flashed, and Ash raised his hands in surrender. “You need to not draw attention.”

“Oh, so Pink-Hair-Two-Teeth can come and go as he pleases, but I need to look like some boring Manhattan housewife? Fuck that.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. You were never really one of us, Sun-he. Sneaking out a boarding school window for a good time isn’t the same as living it. The people who killed Shorter are still alive. Some of them anyway. I’ll find them. I’ll kill them all if I have to. But for now, you have to play the game a little.”

“It won’t work. All those dumbasses out there know who I am. A few even remember me from before.”

“Any person who knows where Eiji is can be trusted to take a secret to the grave.”

Sun-he blinked at the steel in his voice. She suddenly remembered Shorter telling her that Ash loved this nervous kid holding a rapidly cooling cup of tea. She wondered briefly if either of them had realized yet. By the look in his eye, maybe Eiji was starting to. 

She sighed in irritation. “Ok. Fine. I’ll pick up some fucking hair dye. Anything else, Sir?” She lay the sarcasm on thick.

“Call your mom and tell her you headed back to LA. Sell your car, or just abandon it. Honestly Nadia could use it.” Ash tapped his fingers. “Have you seen a doctor? We’ll have to figure out a way for that to happen too. And you probably need vitamins, and clothes, and a laptop for school work. Oh, and a gun. You do know how to shoot. I know Shorter taught you some knife-fighting, but in your delicate condition, distance is better. And maybe we should--”

“Ash,” Eiji interrupted. “That’s enough for now. Look.” Sun-he was glassy-eyed and trembling. “She needs to grieve. She needs to process. Give her a minute.”

Eiji stood and led Ash aside. “I know you can just keep bouncing back. I don’t know how you take the hits you do and keep moving. But the rest of us, we’re not like you. We need time to breathe.”

“She has to be strong, Eiji. Shorter--”

“She is strong, Ash. Strong enough to come cross-country with this. Strong enough to push her way in here and yell at the boss. Strong enough to do all of this, for Shorter, for you. She just needs a minute.”

Eiji held Ash’s eyes until he nodded. Then he pulled him into a hug. “It will be ok,” he whispered against his hair. “It will all be ok, somehow.”

***

That night it was Ash who awoke to Eiji thrashing in his sleep. 

“Shorter…’m sorry… no… don’t hurt… stop… Ash!” He continued to whimper and mumble in Japanese. 

Ash watched him for a second. Should he? It felt odd, almost unnatural to him. But when he bolted awake, Eiji’s presence comforted him. His touch was soothing in a way Ash didn’t quite understand and wasn’t really ready to admit. But maybe that was just Eiji. He was like that.

Another shout drew his eyes back to the other bed. There were tears on Eiji’s face.

That--that wasn’t allowed. He stood and crossed the room, carefully gripping Eiji’s shoulder as he shook his friend gently. “Eiji, Eiji wake up.” He shook him harder. 

Suddenly, Eiji bolted upright panting. “Ash?”

Slowly, so very slowly and carefully, Ash moved into Eiji’s space, onto his bed, gathering him into his arms. It felt stiff and awkward and he almost ran back to his own bed when Eiji froze in his arms. He was doing it wrong. He was no fucking good at this kind of shit. Eiji didn’t want to be trapped in the arms of some emotionless killer. Ash began to pull away.

Eiji flung his arms around Ash’s chest before lifting one of the arms that had pulled away and tugging it back around his waist. “Thank you, Ash,” he whispered. 

Slowly they settled into Eiji’s bed. Ash still felt stiff and unsure, but Eiji snuggled up to him, hand gently stroking his side until he relaxed. This was...good. He let himself rest his cheek on the top of Eiji’s head and closed his eyes.

***

The next night, as Eiji pulled back the blankets of his bed, Ash mumbled out “Just come here.”

“What?” Eiji looked over to see Ash blushing but still holding his own blanket open in invitation.

“I didn’t get any sleep at all last night,” Ash grumbled. “I need sleep. So come here. Just sleep here.” He paused, letting the blanket fall. “Or don’t. Whatever. Just don’t go waking me up again.”

“Ok,” Eiji responded with a smile crossing the space and climbing under the blankets. Ash huffed and turned his back to him, but he didn’t pull away when Eiji snuggled up behind him and pulled him gently against his chest.

They didn’t bother to even pretend they planned to sleep in separate beds after that.

***

“Sun-he chan, can I ask you a question?” Eiji started, glancing about to be sure they were alone.

“In Japanese? Must be serious.” She smiled at him. Over the past few weeks, she had relaxed around Eiji. They were often alone, trapped in the apartment together for safety. While Eiji took pictures and tried to make himself useful, Sun-he was going stir crazy. Her coursework wasn’t enough to keep her busy, so she often found herself pestering Eiji. She liked him. 

“I just don’t want to be overheard.”

“Eiji, there’s no one else here.”

“Others might come in. I--they already think I’m dumb and too innocent. I don’t want them to know.” His face was bright red. “And maybe what I am about to tell you isn’t for me to tell. Maybe Ash--”

“--It’s fine, Eiji.” Sun-he switched languages. She wasn’t fully fluent, but she could have a conversation. She had a theory about his question. At least the general topic. These two danced around one another like professional ballroom competitors. But she also knew a little, remembered a little more. Ash allowed Eiji liberties that no other member of his gang would even consider. Even his best friend hadn’t leaned against him or grabbed him without warning. Shorter had never let her forget about the girl who had been killed because someone believed Ash liked her, had insisted she take it as a warning for herself. She thought maybe she understood. It was sad.

“So, um. Do you remember back in LA? When the door wasn’t locked? And I…”

Sun-he choked on her water. Oh. Ok. Well, then. “Yes,” she gasped, “I do.”

Eiji seemed to stall out for a moment. “I saw you...um...with Shorter. You were...doing something. Urk.” He coughed in embarrassment.

Sun-he grinned at him. “I was giving him a blow-job, Eiji. Please tell me you know what that is.”

“Of course I do! I’m not a child!”

“Ok. Ok. I’m sorry. What was your question?” She forced herself not to laugh as he sputtered.

“Does it hurt?”

Huh. “What?” she asked carefully.

“Does it hurt?” he mumbled again, eyes dropping to the floor.

So help her, if Ash was hurting this boy. “It… can... I guess. If your partner is rough. Your jaw can get sore or your throat can hurt, but--”

“No. No, that’s not what I meant.” Eiji looked somewhere between horrified and fascinated. “I meant...Shorter. He seemed to… erm… like it?”

“Yes?” Where the hell was this going? “I mean, he did?” Her brows pinched. “Eiji. What happened? Why are you asking me this?”

“Last night-- well…”

***

Eiji woke up groggily to an odd sound behind him. Ash groaned and his eyes shot open. Was he sick? Eiji started to turn. Ash’s hand dragged across his chest, nails drawing gently across the skin as he mumbled in his sleep. His skin tingles in their wake then burns as Ash makes another noise. 

Eiji flushed as Ash’s hips thrust against him. He could feel… Oh. Oh! He felt light headed. Heat burned through him as his mind helpfully recalled some of his more vivid dreams over the past few months.

He didn’t realize he’d made a sound. But Ash froze. He felt his breath shudder for a second before Ash leapt out of the bed, sheet bunched in his hands and held in front of himself. He wasn’t blushing in embarrassment. He was white as a sheet, teeth chattering, hands shaking.

“I’m so fucking sorry, Eiji. I didn’t. I don’t. I would NEVER hurt you like that. Please believe me. I wouldn’t I won’t. I won’t hurt you. Please. Please trust that.”

Eiji shifted, trying to hide just how much he had been enjoying what Ash was doing in the face of his clear horror. “I know, Ash. I know you won’t hurt me. I know.” He had eventually coaxed Ash back to bed, but he lay rigidly facing away from him until dawn. Neither of them slept any more that night.

***

“He didn’t hurt me. It was...It was nice. I liked it.” 

“Eiji, how much do you know about Ash’s past?” Sun-he asked very carefully.

“I know people make him pay for their help with sex. I know bad men hurt him with sex when he was only a child. I know…” He trailed off. “I thought he just hated it now. I thought he didn’t want it ever. But…”

“But now, you’re wondering if he’s interested and just ashamed?”

“Why would he worry about hurting me?” 

“Eiji. Anal hurts. If your partner isn’t careful, doesn’t prep you. It hurts a lot. If Ash’s only experience is rape…”

“Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t then.”

Sun-he coughed again. “Shouldn’t what, Eiji? What are you thinking?”

“I wanted to show him. I won’t hurt him either.” He blushed bright red. “But maybe that is a bad idea.”

“Maybe, maybe not. How does he react when you kiss him?”

“When I what?” Eiji looked surprised, almost scandalized. “I don’t do that. I told you. I thought Ash didn’t like that sort of thing.”

“Eiji, I know your relationship with Ash is seven flavors of fucking weird, but you’re getting this shit out of order. You should try a kiss before you even think about trying to put his dick in your mouth.”

“So I should kiss him?”

Sun-he sighed “Do you want to kiss him?”   


“Yes. I do. But I don’t want him to think I want anything like a payment. I want to kiss him, not make him kiss me.”

“Then tell him that. Or kiss him once and see. DO NOT jump right into oral dude. That’s just dating 101.”

“Ash and I are not dating.”

“Sure, kid.”

***   
Eiji thought about it. Of course he thought about it. He thought about it as he made breakfast. He thought about it when he dragged Ash out of bed, when Ash calmly told him he was going out prostituting, when the gang began to treat him as one of their own. 

He thought about it a lot when Ash was hurt. When they told him Ash was dead. When Ash tried to send him away.

And he thought about it when they lay curled up together in bed. 

But it wasn’t until Sun-he sent the email, a grainy black and white picture with the caption ‘It’s a Boy!’ and a smiley face, that he did anything.

By then, Sun-he had been moved out of the city completely. Ash had used it as an opportunity to move Ibe further from danger as well. He didn’t trust the safe-house in Brooklyn. It was outside gang territory, but Golzine’s reach went further. So she was in a small house in a small town near Cape Cod under an assumed name. She called Eiji during the day to chat sometimes. He missed her. He was glad she wasn’t alone.

Ash traced his finger over the ultrasound image. “Shorter’s son,” he whispered. He’d grinned at Eiji and Eiji had responded by wrapping him in a hug. 

“Ash? What if, when this is all over, you come to Japan?” Eiji blurted. Ibe had mentioned it the last time they spoke, and now watching Ash smile at the picture on his phone, impulse overrode caution. “We could take the baby with us. I know it’s foolish and we’re young. But what if WE raised Shorter’s son?”

Ash looked at him. “I couldn’t. I don’t belong in Japan. How would I survive?

“You keep saying how I don’t belong here. But here I am surviving.” Eiji glared at him. “I don’t want to give him away. Ibe would help us. And my family. And… And I don’t want to leave your side.”

“I. I’ll think about it.”

“Good.” He pulled Ash back toward him and without even thinking about it, kissed his temple. It felt perfectly natural until Ash stilled. “Is that, um, is that ok?” Eiji asked a little nervously.

Ash grazed his lips across Eiji’s hair. It wasn’t a kiss. But it wasn’t not a kiss either. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s ok.”

***

It seemed out of the blue when Ash put an envelope in Eiji’s hand. He wouldn’t meet his eye. “If something happens to me…”

“What do you mean?”   
  
“Please Eiji. Don’t interrupt. If something happens, this is the paperwork to pay for Sun-he and the baby and the account numbers so she can go back to school.”

“Ash, what’s going on.”

“Promise me Eiji. Promise me that… If I can’t. If… Promise me that you’ll see Shorter’s son to safety. Make sure. Maybe, maybe you can keep him. Raise him to remember. Ok?”

“Ash, you’re scaring me.”

“I know. I’m sorry. But I need you to keep my promises if I… can’t. Will you do it Eiji? Take the baby to Japan. Raise him to be like you. Teach him...teach him to fly.” He gestured at the envelope. “It’s all there. Everything you need.”

“Ok. Ok I promise.” Eiji reached out to him, but Ash pulled away. “Get some sleep Eiji. I have work to do tonight.” He hesitated. “Be safe, Eiji.”

Eiji heard him later, half asleep and almost dreaming. He heard Ash promise his safety at any cost. He wanted to reach out to comfort him, at least rest his hand on his head where it lay next to him on the mattress. But he couldn’t. Ash was a million miles away, and he didn’t know how to bridge the gap. So he pretended to sleep and let Ash rest at his side. He’d find out what was happening in the morning.

In the morning, Ash was gone.

***

Everything had fallen apart when Yut Lung had looked him in the eye and told him of the horrors Ash now faced on his behalf. He would die, or lose himself in the nightmare hell of Golzine’s world, just to keep him safe. He was appalled. 

He knew. He fucking knew. That’s why Eiji was holding a sealed envelope with no explanation. That’s why Ash had made arrangements for Sun-he, entrusted them to Eiji. 

And now he was surviving whatever torture that monster could cook up. Eiji couldn’t eat. Barely slept. Sing would help him. But this would be different. It had been weeks. They knew where he was but not how to get to him.

When Ibe called to tell him Sun-he was in labor, he barely registered it. He wished them luck and then went back to his frantic search. But when Ibe sent the pictures of a tiny little boy with a slightly cross-eyed gaze and a head of fluffy hair that looked like a black dandelion, he managed to pause. 

He wasn’t sure he saw Shorter in the baby. Not yet anyway. But he was comforted by the tired smile on Sun-he’s face. At least this was good. At least they were safe.

Looking at a photo of Ibe awkwardly holding the little bundle, a nervous grin showing in his profile, Eiji paused. ‘Ash would look like that,’ he thought. He would be stubborn and awkward and nervous and happy, and… He choked back a sob. “Goddamnit Ash, I need you. Please be ok.”

Eiji allowed his fantasies of seeing Shorter’s son in Ash’s arms to carry him through those dark nights searching for a way to free him. Whenever the planning seemed impossible or an ally questioned Eiji’s ability to pull off any kind of rescue, he closed his eyes and imagined the soft smile he was sure Ash would wear. One more good thing. A little piece of joy.

He decided that he would make it his reality. Some way. Somehow. Eiji would take Ash and that baby to Japan. 

***

Something broke in Eiji when he saw Ash sitting docilely in that fucking wheelchair. He was thin, blinded, empty looking. But he’d responded to Eiji’s voice. He would fight for Eiji even when he refused to fight for himself.

That night, over canned soup, in a filthy, deserted subway station, he showed Ash the pictures of Sun-he and the baby. Slowly the tension drained out of his shoulders as he scrolled through the pictures, even smiling a little at a few. 

The silence stretched out when he handed Eiji his phone back. Ash dropped his head to Eiji’s shoulder, clearly exhausted. “Thank you. That was incredibly stupid… But thank you.” His eyes drooped closed as Eiji shifted to support him better.

“Sleep, Ash. I’m here with you.”

He was home now. Eiji reminded himself as Ash stirred beside him. He was battered, but he was alive. And he was home. Eiji intended to keep him there.

***

It had started as a whim. Even before the baby was born, they talked sometimes about what it could be like. About taking him to visit shrines in Japan or museums in New York. Ash learned a few words in Japanese. Eiji looked up nursery schools near his home town. 

They knew they weren’t really serious. Not really. But laughingly suggesting more and more obnoxious names or insisting on nursery color schemes was a welcome break from the horror of everything else. 

But now, it was tinged with something, not quite acknowledged. The baby was no longer hypothetical. He was almost a month old. And with the reality of his presence came the question of what to do with him. 

Talking about that future being the three of them sometimes felt less like a game and more like a wish. It was a future where they were together. It was a way to keep their friend alive. It was a way to ignore the way Ash was still too thin.

“No seriously. If we adopted him, what would you name him?” Eiji looked up from where his head rested on Ash’s lap. 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Like really seriously.”

“Isn’t Sun-he calling him Chin, after her father.”

“Well, yeah. She has to call him something. But his adoptive family probably won’t name him Chin. I want to know what you would name him.”

“I don’t know. Maybe Griffin, after, well you know.”

“Not Shorter?”

“Eiji, Shorter was awesome. But his name was as dumb as his hair.

“Was Shorter really his name? Or is it like Flips?”

“I don’t know. Everybody always called him Shorter. Even Nadia and the guards in juvie. If he has another name, he never told me.”

“Griffin, huh?”

“Yeah,” said Ash. “I like that. Griff never got to have kids. I know he wanted them.”

Eiji grinned at him. “Shut up.” 

Eiji sat up before climbing into Ash’s lap and resting his arms on his shoulders. This still felt so new, so exciting. He smirked as Ash leaned forward and dropped a gentle kiss on his lips. 

Always gentle, usually chaste, still, kissing was something they did now. Ash felt a little bit awed at it actually, which was stupid. He wasn’t sure there was a sex act he hadn’t engaged in. But this felt new and precious. 

Once, when it had moved a bit beyond chaste, Eiji had whispered to him “You know, it doesn’t have to hurt, Ash.” He’d scrambled away. But he couldn’t  _ stay _ away. He was drawn to Eiji--his own personal magnetic north. He thought about that sometimes.

Eiji leaned in to kiss him again. “Wouldn’t it be fun to take little Griffin to a festival. He could try taiyaki. I bet you’d like it. It’s sweet.”

“Eiji, stop. You know we can’t.”

“Do I? Do I know that Ash? I’m not so sure I do.” He snuggled closer. “I have another Japanese sentence to teach you. Kore wa watashi no musuko no gurifindesu. Say it. You’ll like saying it.”

Ash stumbled over the unfamiliar syllables and inflections. “What does it mean?”

“This is my son, Griffin.”

Ash spluttered indignantly, shoving Eiji backward. He laughed as Eiji held on pulling him over on top of him. Ash paused, looking down, his eyes still dancing.

Eiji felt his throat go dry. This felt decidedly less innocent than the kisses they usually exchanged. He reached up tentatively to cup Ash’s cheek, guiding him slowly down into a deep kiss. 

Ash’s brain lost focus, letting the sensation of Eiji beneath him, the taste of him on his lips, the feel of his speeding breath overwhelm his senses. Mustn’t lose focus. Mustn’t lose control. But Eiji’s fingers were threading through his hair and their legs were tangled, their lower bodies pressed together. He could feel Eiji’s...interest...growing. He tried to hold still, to de-escalate, to avoid letting things get dangerous.

Eiji on the other hand squirmed beneath him as their tongues clashed. 

The door crashed open. “Boss!” Alex froze, eyes going wide. There could be no doubt what had been happening. Although both men were fully clothed, only kissing really, poor Alex felt like he’d caught them in the act. Eiji was blushing. Ash looked livid. Alex began to back away.

“What.” It wasn’t even a question. Ash’s cheeks flushed red with temper. More at himself than Alex, but Alex didn’t know that.

“M-Max got in touch. There’s been some sort of break in the story.”

“Thank you, Alex. I’ll be out in a moment.” Ash pronounced each word carefully. Alex bolted.

Ash missed the condo he and Eiji had shared alone. He sighed. This had the potential to be a huge mess. 

***

It was Sing that asked about it a few days later. “What’s with you and Eiji?”

“Nothing is with us. Why?”

“It’s just, the other day when Alex came in he seemed...He looked like he’d seen a ghost. And. Look Ash, I’m not stupid. So I guess I wanted to say, I know, Ok? And… I think it's fine. Great. I think it’s great.” He paused nervously. “Shorter would have thought it was great too.”

“Sing. Be careful what you say and who you say it too. My advice, one boss to another.”

“Hey, while I’m risking my life here. Eiji’s sister. She wasn’t his sister. Lao remembers her. Why was she back?”

“She was looking for Shorter.”

“Did you tell her? About… everything?”

“Yes. Well, no. Eiji did.” He looked at Sing. “He shouldn’t have. She’s in danger if she knows more than she should.”

“I want to help you help her.”

“Stay out of it, Sing. If you want to help, make sure Yut Lung never knows there’s anything there to help with in the first place. You’ve got enough trouble with Chinatown. Don’t take on LA too.” Ash gave a half grin. “Heh. Look at that. Two pieces of advice.”

***

Ash worked like a man driven. He didn’t expect to survive this. He needed everything in place. Needed Eiji safe. Needed Griffin safe.

He didn’t know how it had happened really. Eiji mentioned the name to Sun-he and somehow it had stuck. His fantasy chats with Eiji had grown too, from something done as a joke to a wistful half-formed plan. If we live. If we win. 

Hell, it was so fucking unlikey as to not really bear mentioning. But here he was, with forged adoption papers and passport, locking them up in a safety deposit box. Ibe could take the baby to Japan with Eiji. Ash told himself he was ok with that outcome.

But weeks had become months spent curled in Eiji’s arms talking of a life without guns-- a life where they raised a little boy and Ash was free of this hell. He could learn Japanese. He could...

He slammed his hand into the wall. This was stupid. Keep moving. Keep fighting. Keep them safe. And let it go.  _ That _ was how someone like him won. Everything else was stupid wishful thinking.

Wishful thinking got people you cared about… Ash sighed in frustration. He could admit it inside his own goddamned head at least. People you LOVED killed.

***

Eiji looked at Sing. Sing looked back, his eyes wide as saucers.

“That’s why Ash has to die.”

Sing gulped. “You’re insane. You are fucking batshit crazy, Eiji.”

“It’s the only way. It’s the only way he’ll ever be free. The gang, the cartel, Blanca...they’ll never let him go while he’s alive.” Eiji’s eyes were pleading. “Will you help me?”

“I’m in.”

***

The plan was simple. The execution of the plan was insane. First, they had to actually beat Golzine. Honestly, Eiji decided to leave that to Ash. He was the strategist. Foxx and Blanca were so terrifying that Eiji felt his mind begin to shut down just thinking about them. So he wasn’t focused on destroying Banana Fish or on cutting down Ash’s personal boogey-man. 

No. His plan was both more and less straight-forward. He was going to save Ash. 

His first step had already been accomplished. Sun-he was spending a semester abroad in Tokyo with Griffin. She’d already made contact with Eiji’s mother. Thankfully the angry phone call explaining that the baby wasn’t actually his was in Japanese. Ash had been happy to use some of the money he’d stolen from G.O.O.S.E. to fund the trip and expedite the travel visas.

Part two was trickier. 

Eiji’s idea to bring Ash to Japan was getting through. Ash smiled as he practiced Japanese phrases and asked questions about Eiji’s home. He talked about how he’d like to visit, maybe see Griffin blessed at a temple. He even caught him looking over a guide book to Kyoto.

But, Eiji also knew that Ash was getting desperate. He clung to Eiji at night but gently pushed him away during each day. There were so many pieces moving on the board, and all of them could get them all killed. He knew, more than Griffin, more than his own safety or even sanity, Ash wanted Eiji to be safe.

Well, too fucking bad. Eiji needed Ash alive. 

The hardest part was knowing that he’d have to hurt him. The second hardest part was knowing that that meant that he would never again be the only person who hadn’t demanded something of him that he wasn’t willing to give.

So be it. Ash had taught him all about doing what needed to be done.

And so Sing cultivated Lao’s resentment. Eiji highlighted his inexperience, his failure to fit in. And they waited.

Things had to go in order. 

***

Yut Lung nearly destroyed everything. Sing was sure he could control Lao. He hadn’t counted on the others. He hadn’t seen the betrayal brewing. 

Eiji saw the gun just in time. 

It wasn’t true to say that he had no regrets. As the bullet ripped through him, he had many. But he wasn’t sorry to have saved Ash’s life. 

They explained to him why Ash couldn’t visit. He understood. He didn’t mind the idea of being a criminal. But he understood.

And then he was there. And suddenly he was terrified that his plan wouldn’t work. He was terrified that Ash wouldn’t survive his encounter with Golzine in order for his plan to work. He was just terrified. 

He couldn’t let him go. His mind was fuzzy, his vision blurred. But he’d heard it just the same. Sayonara. Good-bye. 

He had to see him, talk to him. He had to come clean, tell him about the plan. He had to… He dragged himself out of bed, desperate to reach him. To tell him.

God. Ash couldn’t go. He couldn’t face his death without knowing, without hearing.... His head spun as he reached out, seeing only the blur of blond hair. 

And yet those green eyes burned into him. He knew he wasn’t focused, and yet he would swear those eyes looked into him. Was Ash reaching for him? He couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. Please…

He heard Max shout, heard running footsteps. His head was spinning. “Run, Ash.” 

It was barely a sound. He could have imagined it. But he was sure he heard it. The shuddering breath of a suppressed cry. His knees buckled. All he could do now was hope.

Eiji didn’t remember Ibe leading him back to bed. He didn’t hear Max explain to the nurses that he’s had a dream, only a dream of a friend that had passed away.

***

The next day, Eiji wrote the letter. Just in case. 

He was desperate for news, but it was slow in coming. One day became two. Two became four. Eiji slowly recovered some strength, though he still couldn’t stand. Where was Sing? Was he moving forward? 

Max didn’t know how to contact them. Ash had destroyed his phone. Eiji had never felt so helpless.

On the fifth day, he convinced Ibe to buy the extra ticket to Tokyo. 

It had to work. It had to. In spite of Foxx and Blanca and Yut Lung and Golzine and this horrible fucked up drug. It was impossible. The odds were astronomical. There was no chance. Eiji knew that. He did. But he believed in Ash. 

It was beyond hope, beyond reason. Ash would live because he had to. It was as simple as that.

***

Ibe was worried. He had thought that seeing Ash might help Eiji, but he’d been quiet since then. He spent hours each day simply running his fingers over an envelope at his bedside. 

On the eighth day Sing came to visit.

Ash was alive. It was over. 

But he wouldn’t come.

***

Sing didn’t understand either of them. Stupid, self-sacrificing assholes. Just fucking talk to each other. But he took the letter. And he tried to get Ash to do it the easy way.

Did Eiji still want to continue to plan? He fucking hoped so, because it was set in motion and he was sacrificing a hell of a lot to it. So if he didn’t, then too damned bad. 

Sing hoped Ash didn’t notice that he’d fucked with his gun. But he wasn’t ready to actually get his brother killed. 

Damn Eiji Okumura and his stupid, idealistic plans. And damn him for going along with them.

Sing headed for the airport. On the way he alerted his guys to keep an eye out for Lao. He’d need medical care, and Sing didn’t trust the idiot to call for it.

***

Just before closing, Sing slipped into the library. This was by far the least predictable and most dangerous part of this plan. It counted on a man with no soul showing empathy, maybe even care. 

Sing glanced at the silent giant beside him.

“You’re sure he’s here?” Blanca questioned.

“Pretty sure. And if he is, he’ll need help.” Sing swallowed. He knew from Yut Lung that Blanca had no current contract. He knew from Ash that he meant to re-enter retirement. What he didn’t know was if he would help him get Ash out of the fucking library and to the unlicensed medical center in time to save his stupid pig-headed life and not say anything about it.

He hadn’t expected Blanca to know how to suture a wound. He hadn’t expected the blond corpse that was found in the alley behind the library the next day wearing a coat nearly identical to Ash’s either. He guessed that was the difference between a street smart kid and a true professional.   


When he asked, Blanca had replied with some cryptic bullshit about wild animals and men and islands. But then he’d said something about setting the Lynx free, and Sing decided not to ask too many questions of the nice, scary assassin man.

***

Sing ignored Ash’s temper when he woke up. He was too weak to fight anyway. 

Ash had snarled at him.

Sing ignored that too. 

“Why couldn’t you just let me be, Sing? Why couldn't you leave it all alone?”

“I promised Eiji.”

“He’ll always be in danger. As long as I’m alive. As long as someone knows they can hurt me by hurting him, they’ll try to hurt him.”

“I  _ promised _ Eiji,” Sing replied again. 

“I don’t want him to live with a gun in his hand. I don’t want him to live in fear. I don’t want him to live in my fucking world. He’ll come back, Sing. He’ll come back and Lao or Spider or the next Arthur, the next Golzine--they’ll kill him.” 

Sing looked at him and didn’t respond.

Ash tossed his gun to Sing. “If you care about him, really care, then shoot me. Help me keep him safe.”

Sing glared at the gun but made no move to pick it up. 

“Sing!”

“No.” He kicked it away. “No, you asshole. Don’t you get it? He loves you--every bit as much as you love him. And he needs you to be ok. So no. I won’t fucking shoot you. And before you even think it, I won’t let you shoot yourself or go out and get yourself shot. So sit down. I have some things for you.”

Ash sat. He had somehow never considered things like that. How could Eiji feel even a tenth of what he felt? There wasn’t enough of his humanity left to have earned that kind of love. He didn’t deserve it. 

But oh, how he wanted it.

Still obviously angry, Sing stomped back into the room and tossed an envelope onto the bed. “Go on. Look at your presents. Not like anybody went to any effort to get them or anything.”

Ash kept one eye on the seething gang boss as he opened the envelope and emptied it onto the bed. He found an honest-to-god legal passport, his ticket to Tokyo, and a single photograph.

It was obvious Ibe had taken the photo. Eiji sat on a bench in a garden, obviously propped up on pillows. He was smiling down at the baby in his arms as the sun glinted in his hair. He was the most beautiful thing Ash had ever seen.

“Kore wa watashi no musuko no gurifindesu,” he whispered.

“Yeah, I don’t know what that means,” Sing grumped. 

“It’s Japanese. It means, this is my son, Griffin.”

Sing sighed. “Ash Lynx is dead. His body was identified by his uncle two weeks ago.” Sing gestured at the passport. “Aslan  Callenreese is expected to arrive to meet his family in Tokyo on Thursday.”

***

Shorter was right. Ash was beautiful when he smiled.


End file.
